That is the sound my brain has been making these past few months (heck, maybe the last year even!)
I need a clean slate. I need to get myself together. I need to focus on myself. I want to eat better, exercise more, sleep longer, get to bed at a decent hour (hence the “sleep longer” reference), and crush this disease i have (oh yeah, that would be MS). I want to be a better everything (wife, mother, daughter, friend). It’s a lot when I think about it, but I need to get some much needed structure in my chaotic life. But to be a better anything to others, I have to be a better someone to myself.
I need, I need, I need…
My OCD kicks into full gear when I hear those words. My anxiety starts creeping up, and I wonder if I need to take some deep breaths or if I just need to dive into my personal pharmacy and take that lovely at anxiety pill.
There goes my brain again. And so begins my journey. It’s not New Year’s, so no resolutions necessary. I just need to write and get it out in words. Only then, I might be able to pick apart my needs and wants in order to organize my private chaos.
3 medium sized over-ripe bananas (just over 1 cup when mashed)
1/2 cup lowfat buttermilk**
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs (warmed close to room temperature)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix together flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and xantham gum in large mixing bowl. Place peeled bananas in blender, and blend on high until mashed. Add buttermilk**, sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, and oil. Cover and blend on high. Pour over flour mixture, hand-mix together and scrape the sides of the bowl. You can mix in the chocolate chips at this time if desired. Pour into an oiled 9x5x3 loaf pan. Bake for 1 hour or until done when tested with a toothpick.
** You can always substitute the buttermilk with low-fat or nonfat plain yogurt or just unsweetened applesauce. The ratio for substitution is 1:1